673: The Unspoken Grief of Pet Sitters with Joni Sullivan
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What do you do when the pets you care for pass away? In this deeply compassionate episode, Collin talks with Pet Loss Bereavement Specialist, Joni Sullivan, about the unique challenges pet professionals face when grieving. They discuss why it can be harder to process loss as a sitter or walker, how to support clients while protecting your own mental health, and what healthy grieving can look like. Joni shares the four stages of healing, creative rituals of remembrance, and how community helps prevent compassion fatigue. Together, they remind us that it’s okay to cry—and that reaching out for help is one of the bravest things we can do.
Main topics:
Unique grief of pet professionals
Healthy grieving and self-care
Supporting clients through pet loss
Community and emotional support
Recognizing compassion fatigue
Main takeaway: “Reaching out for help is one of the bravest things you can do.” — Joni Sullivan
In pet care, we’re taught to stay strong for others—but that strength can sometimes silence our own needs. When we lose a client’s pet or one of our own, it’s easy to bury the pain under busy schedules and appointments. But true bravery isn’t pretending we’re okay—it’s letting someone else hold space for us. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a fellow sitter, or a support line, reaching out means you’re choosing healing over isolation. You’re not alone in this work, and you never have to be.
About our guest: Joni Sullivan is a Certified Pet Loss Bereavement Specialist and the owner of Joan of Arc Pet Sitting, serving her community for over 27 years. With decades of experience in pet care, she’s passionate about supporting both pet parents and professionals through the complex emotions of grief and loss. Joni facilitates monthly online grief support groups through the National Association of Professional Pet Sitters (NAPPS), creating safe, compassionate spaces for anyone mourning a beloved animal companion.
Links:
Earn 1 CEU: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfaOdO8vwQU-xogogX8VcJesx_WqcWgBTh9ZvDO6xl5kxMS3A/viewform
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A VERY ROUGH TRANSCRIPT OF THE EPISODE
Provided by otter.ai
673
Tue, Feb 10, 2026 6:22PM • 55:34
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
Pet loss, bereavement, pet sitters, grieving process, pet professionals, emotional support, self-care, pet memorial, compassion fatigue, mental health, coping strategies, pet bereavement specialist, pet loss support, pet care industry, grief management.
SPEAKERS
Joni, Collin
Collin 00:00
Collin, welcome to pet sitter confessional, an open and honest discussion about life as a pet sitter. Today, we're brought to you by our friends at time to pet and pet sitters International. This episode is eligible for one CEU from both naps and psi. So listen to the episode, check out the link in the show notes to take the quiz and submit the email that you get for that CEO. Managing the loss of a pet is never a good time in our lives, and it's especially made all the more difficult when we ourselves are pet professionals, and we are dealing with the loss of clients, pets or those of our own. So how do we walk through grieving in a way and in an industry that very that doesn't give us a lot of time or space to do so we're always very busy. There's a lot of things going on. How do we make sure that we go through the grieving process in a healthy way while still meeting current obligations and making sure we balance that today I'm really excited to have Joni Sullivan, pet loss bereavement specialist, owner of Joan of Arc, pet sitting as well. And I had the pleasure of meeting with her, meeting her actually, at the pet search international conference. And so Joni, I'm really excited to have you on to talk about this. For those who aren't familiar with you, could you please tell us a little bit more about yourself. Thanks.
Joni Sullivan. Pet Loss Bereavement Specialist 01:22
Thanks. Collin, first of all, I would like to say thank you to you and your wife for having me, and also thank you so much for this podcast. It has helped so many pet sitters, new pet sitters, learning something and as old timers learning something new. So we appreciate it, and thank you so much for that. I have been pet sitting for 27 years, I was one of the original ones with MapQuest, and there was no GPS. Oh my gosh, we I took out a forest myself. There was no software. There were things like that. So now I have software. GPS is it's wonderful, but I started out primarily as just overnight pet care, and now we've expanded to dog walking. I have a business partner now, and it's great. I'm doing it full time, whereas I used to not do it full time.
Collin Funkhouser 02:13
Now, when did you start being involved with the work in pet loss, pet bereavement, and especially supporting other people with that? Well, it's
Joni 02:23
it's funny, because it hasn't been that long. It's been about a year or so, and I actually started because I didn't want to say an inappropriate thing, like I wanted to make sure that there are things that you can say and not say to anybody who has said loss, and when it comes to pets, it's also something else that you want to be careful what you say. So I did this to learn. And then recently I was with naps, and we were talking about it, and we said, Hey, we should do something for, you know, pet professionals. And this is a unique thing. We had a speaker who had come and talk about, Oh, these are the unique challenges you have. He's a veterinarian chaplain. I thought we should do this, and then we started. We opened up another night for anybody. You don't have to be a naps member, and that would be like the fourth Wednesday of the month. You can log on, and anybody can join, and just can sit there, can speak whatever they want. And we just wanted to create that space. And being that, I'm a pet, you know, bereavement specialist, I'm able to just some people are comfortable, and some are and it's okay. We just want to be there for them.
Collin Funkhouser 03:41
You know that fear of saying the wrong thing that that really hits home. I mean, Megan and I have hosted some pet loss Memorial events over the past couple years, and I absolutely we love, love doing them. We started hosting those because we wanted to have space for our clients, to be able to come and just recognize that and but I'll never forget the first time that I had a client come, and now it's like, oh, is really real, because they're grieving. And I realized that I was wholly inadequate to actually, like, have this conversation, because all of a sudden I was locked up and I was in my head. I was like, Well, don't say anything that's too trite, but also don't do like I was doing all the don'ts in my brain, and it became really hard for us to like, Okay, how do we move forward in this conversation with these people? So that that I just when you said, you know, you didn't want to say the wrong thing. I was like, Oh my gosh, that's me. Like, every all the time,
Joni 04:39
you know, everyone has that fear of not saying, you know. And even though I've been trained, there are still times things are just going to fly out of my mouth, you know. You know, there are times like my filter forgot to engage, or it's starting to close in. And one of the things that like, Here's a big one. Time when people say you did everything you could, people don't want to hear that, because in the back of their head, since we don't know their financial situation, maybe there was something else, but it's do my kids eat this week, or do I save the dog? That is the worst place to be. And even if that's not even the case, they would think like, well, I could have searched more. I could have, I could have, and it's like, no, it's okay. Euthanasia means good death, so you're giving your pet a good death, but it's so hard because you just fumble over yourself,
Collin Funkhouser 05:46
yep, and you end up, you end up questioning a lot of things, and I think it's especially, I would say, like a little bit more complicated for the grief of a pet professional. All right, so what is that? Something that you see in your working with other pet professionals, and why do you think that's the case?
Joni 06:04
It's gonna be a long winded answer. There's the part of the reason why I started the groups was that people will pet parents don't feel as though you're part of the pet's life. You are part of the the pet's life, but it's almost like, I don't know, mailman's a part of the pet's life. Mailman comes up to the door. Dog barks. Mailman leaves. And it's almost like that they don't see what we put into these pets. And let's face it, even the ones we don't like, which sounds horrible, because they're just, you're like, oh, that dog. But even that, you love them and you don't want to see anything bad. There's also the fact that you'll see, we see anticipatory grief, like we have the anticipatory grief, because we're seeing the pet feeling and feeling, and sometimes the owners are just they're blind, and it's not their fault. Nobody wants to deal with the loss of a pet, so we're watching this pet deteriorate, and part of us wants to say, you need to put the dog down, but we're not veterinarians. We have to just say, what did the vet say? You know, I've noticed that the dog is and you have to be so careful, but we're watching a slow, painful death. And then there are times when you're like, Oh, this is great. It's time for fluffy and Max's yearly parents trip, and I get to stay with them overnight, and you show up and there's no Max, yeah, and the the owners never said, you know you see, you text the owners. Hey, haven't seen Max. Is everything okay? Oh yeah. Max passed away four months ago, and again, it's like we're not a consideration. And all I had, like one client call me up and say, we're putting our dog down tomorrow. Would you like to come and say hi? That was the best gift they could have ever given me. Not everybody does it, but that was the best gift for me, and not to be selfish, but I love that dog.
Collin Funkhouser 08:25
Yeah, well, what you're speaking to there is this, this distinction that I think it gets messed around with a lot of Am I a personal connection? Am I a professional service, right? Like we don't see in other industries where, you know, like, the car mechanic doesn't get a call to say, Hey, I sold the Honda. You're not going to get to work on it anymore. Like, that doesn't happen. It doesn't happen and, and, and we like to think, oh my gosh, I'm here multiple times every month. Or I stay here for three weeks at a time. Man, I'm, I'm really invested in this dog and in this home or this cat or guinea pig or whatever that is. And for the owner's perspective, you're providing a great service, but you're only there for a short period of that year, right? If you think about it, just like number of hours spent with dog, they value you. You're really important to them so they can do what they want. But you're right. They don't really see the other side of that connection, and so we kind of get cut off abruptly, and where it's just like, oh yeah, that's the thing that happened. And now we're sitting here kind of rocking, going, but I what? How do I? How do I move forward now?
Joni 09:39
And that is that is so true, because in we have these emotions that we have to unpack, and we don't, can't put them anywhere like for instance, sometimes I say a loss of a pet is worse than the loss of a human and and I was explaining this to somebody one day, and I said, what happens is, i. If someone passes away legally, you have to take care of taxes and probate court and and then what to do with the body and this, I know it all sounds sick, but you know, do we have a funeral? Do we just have a weight? Do we? You know, there's all these decisions you have to make because it's legal and you have to do it when your cat dies in your arms, there's nothing legal except disposal of the body, and most people bring it to the vet. Some will get the cat cremated, whatever, but that's hard, because there's no place to put that grief if it's your own pet, this part, like, what do I do with this when it's, you know, clients, pet, it's so hard,
Collin Funkhouser 10:50
you know, I don't think many people would equate decisions and paperwork and working with other people as part of that grieving process. But when you said that we have no place to put it, I think that that's what that's speaking to of, when you lose, when human dies, you have immediate action steps and immediate things on your plate to do now that can obviously, I feel like could go unhealthy where now I'm not going to recognize or deal with my emotions at all, but at least there's mo there's motion that I have in my Life, of there's just stuff for me to do. Like, you know, when our dog passed away last year, it was this really, like, he's like, really intense thing. There was one decision to make, and then nothing. It was just emptiness the next day. And then we were just kind of kicking around waiting for ashes to return. And then, like, it just felt like, all of a sudden, all this structure was gone, and we were kind of trying to make it up as we went along. Absolutely.
Joni 11:49
That's the that is. That is the hard part you have to make the decision. Or sometimes the decision is made for you than what you do. And it's crazy. Even when you get the ashes back, sometimes it's like, now, what do I do? Like, what's my next step? And it's funny that you mentioned tasks or things to do. You know, the seven stages of death denial and all. Well, there is a man, William Warden, and what he did is he did a supplemental to that. And he says there are four tasks that will help you grieve. So as a pet professional, I think this would be, I think, like it's easier in one sense, but it's not that. As a pet professional, you can do these tasks. If it's not your dog, like not your cat, not your pet, it would be easier. When it comes to your pet, it's like, oh my gosh, I can't just check these boxes, but the four steps are accepting the reality your pet is no longer it's it's simple, but it's hard, because when you go home, sometimes you hear their nails on the floor. You go to make dinner for them, and you realize, I don't have to. You have to take bowls away. So you remove things that was the pets to and then you're like, What do I but it's hard to accept that reality. Then there's feeling the pain of the loss. Actually feel it, as we had said, when someone dies, there's this list of things we have to do and you can push your grief away, which is delayed grieving. You know, you don't want to do you want to actually feel it and go this actually hurts like I think for me, I cry all the time when I lose a client and my business partner, she's newer to this, so she does it. She does cry sometimes, but then she's just like, why are you crying over that one? I'm like, because I'm feeling it and I'm getting it out, and this is going to help me grieve. I'm just going to cry. It won't be pretty, but I'm going to cry and then adjusting to an environment where the deceased pet is absent, you have to change your schedule, like when you think about it, when a pet is gone, you don't have to get up at six in the morning in the middle of a snowstorm to take the talk for a walk, or you don't have to wake up at 3am to put some kibble in for the kitty. And that's part of it, that for us, that's a little less of that, but you could just your schedule to I don't no longer have to go down that street. You might need to avoid that street for a little while. It might be a shortcut, but whatever helps you grief and get over that. And then the first one is emotionally invest in enough in other relationships, it's okay to hold off and hold guard your heart for a while, but eventually you're going to want to love your other pets, your other clients, just as much. By the way, I call pets clients. So we work for them. The owners pay. We work for them. But that's the thing, it's just those four tasks. Now, as I say that there are no rules in grief, and it's not lineal. It's not like I do 1234, you might do one, get to three and go back to one. So there's no there's no rules.
Speaker 1 15:17
You know, as you were, as you were talking out there, especially when you hit the adjusting to the environment where the deceased pet is absence, no longer there. I was even thinking about a few of our clients, our human clients, who maybe had 234, pets in their home, and one, one passes away. I come in expecting to be oh my gosh, this is gonna be so busy. This is gonna be chaotic, and they're not there. And then all of a sudden, I've got this extra time, and now all of a sudden it's like, oh my gosh. Like, I like, sometimes that guilt can come in of like, wow, I was so worried about this. And now I've got this time where I would be doing this with this dog, but I don't have to be preparing their 13 pills or whatever they had or they were dealing with. And now what do I do? And I guess I like, like, that's just one little spot where our time block, where we were supposed to be there, all of a sudden, we have more time. And then it feels again, more empty, because now it's like, well, what do I do with this I was supposed to be doing XYZ, and it's especially bad again, if the client doesn't tell you about that beforehand, and
Collin Funkhouser 16:22
or, like you said, the I have to then allow myself that last one of investing in other relationships, investing in others. Because when we grieving, I know for me, it's in I've we've had to walk through this process with our employees a couple times, and it's like, hey, we no longer have this client, but I want you to go out and give this other client a little bit of extra love that you would have had for this other one, like, go spend some extra time here. Just go maybe take a little bit longer at this next visit. And we're going to work through this and being okay with that, because it's really easy to then kind of close off and just kind of being all of a sudden numb and go through the motions for everybody else, and instead of allowing ourselves to to love them again,
Joni 17:11
absolutely and there is a balance between sometimes you need to shut down for a bit. It's almost like putting a band aid on your heart. But don't but rip the band aid off one day. You know, just be able to it's okay to
Speaker 1 17:28
move on. Have you heard of time to pet? Dan from NYC boots, has this to say?
Speaker 3 17:34
Time to bet, has been a total game changer for us. It's helped us streamline many aspects of our operation, from scheduling and communication to billing and customer management. We actually tested other pet sitting softwares in the past, but these other solutions were clunky and riddled with problems. Everything in time to pet has been so well thought out. It's intuitive, feature rich, and it's always improving.
Collin Funkhouser 17:54
If you're looking for new pet sitting software, give time to pet a try. Listeners of our show will save 50% off your first three months by visiting tie in to bed.com/confessional, maybe walk us through some healthy ways that sitters can both acknowledge and process while still having to do everything else that we have to do
Joni 18:17
what they can. Part of it is. We're professionals, and we're always trying to be stoic. We're always trying to be like, it's okay. I've got this. No worries, you know, I'll take care of everything. It's okay. I actually cried in front of my client, who I had had for years, when she said, please come over and say goodbye to the dog. I cried. We hugged. I don't think we've ever hugged since then, because we're not kind of relationship, yeah, but we cried, and that's the thing. We have to give ourselves permission. And I have, actually, you know, I have a suggestion. I have a list here of things to do to help work through this one. If you are a writer, get a journal. Get a notebook and write. Pour out all your feelings. Put it all out there. Write a letter to the pet all your feelings. Like I was really upset when you died, it really hurt me a lot and but I still love you, and it's okay to do that, because you're not going to give it to the pet, and the pet can't read English anyways, write all your feelings out there in just it can Be scathing, it can be heartfelt, it can be snugly, which I I'm going to miss loving on you. I'm going to miss this. I'm going to miss that. Another thing is you can donate in the pet's memory. You can donate to the breed of the pet, or, if it's a mixed breed, to the local shelter. Then you're doing something you know, just you're. Getting stuff out there, and it's part of I need to do something then you can do like a creative expressions, drawing, painting, making a sculpture, write a song. It you know, I I'm constantly taking other songs and doing the weirdo thing for all my pets. Sing that song out loud. It's okay. Plant a tree, plant a bush, give the you know, one of our pet clients passed away, and we gave the owners a bush. We happened to find a white bush, and looked at poodle was white. There you go. It helped because it showed that they were able to, like, grieve a bit. Put an album together, if you it's especially with the favorite pet. Do that another one is just sit with the cup of coffee or a smoothie and think about the funny stories, the time the dog ran into the screen door, the time, you know, the dog did that thing, whatever it is, you know, if it's possible, walk down the street where you used to walk, talk with somebody about the happy memories, and then get together with other pet sitters once a year for a pet Memorial. And part of that memorial is speak the name, speak the pet's name. If you're by a pond, you can write on leaves the pets you've lost, put it in the water and let it go. Read the Rainbow Bridge, but give yourself permission to cry, ugly cry, whatever. It's okay. You don't have to be a tough business owner, 24 hours a day, yeah,
Collin Funkhouser 21:43
especially whenever you do have that peep, those other people around you who you know experience the same thing, even though they don't maybe also want to admit it. This, this. This year we had the pleasure at our pet loss memorial event. We had a pleasure of having some vet techs from a local veterinary clinic out there. And of course, you talk about stoic people like veterinarians that text like they're not supposed to cry. And we got, I think, four lines into the Rainbow Bridge poem that we read, and it was, it was done, it was over with, and because I don't think for them and for us as well. Oftentimes we don't know what that's supposed to look like, and because we're we're so busy feeling those emotions becomes a detriment, because don't you understand, I've got other stuff to do. I've got a phone call that I just missed. I've got to go to this thing. I've got to think if I cry, I know it's not going to stop. And so I just can't do that. And so part of that, part of the really hard part about this Joanie, is, is doing this with our kind of pets that are insane schedules. Do you? Do you have any, any recommendations for how to mourn in an industry where where time is one of the last things that we have in abundance.
Joni 23:05
I know it's honestly, it's putting it in your self care. We constantly hear about self care, because if we don't do it, it's not even burnout. It's going to be content, compassion fatigue. And the compassion fatigue is worse than burnout. If you go to burnout, you can go to another city and you'll be like you just move your job. But when you have compassion fatigue, you stop feeling so whether, and I know everyone's gonna say, Well, I don't have time for this, you don't not have time for this. This is one of those things where even if every six months, once a quarter, whatever, do it, even if you get that phone call, you say, Thank you, you cry for a few minutes and then put that on your self care, because you have to do it. You really have to grieve.
Speaker 1 24:03
Yeah, and that sounds kind of the structured grieving I know. For me, I kind of, oh no, I need to feel it from the heart, and I'm not going to put this on my calendar to grieve on Thursday, but at the same time, if we don't put it somewhere, it's just never going to happen, and we end up just kind of covering over that and covering over that and covering over that. I love the idea of having that self care routine. Maybe it's just some questions that you ask yourself. Has a pet passed away in the last 30 days? When will I have a time to celebrate their memory? Right? When will I be able to do that? When can I go do that? When can I take that moment? And I know sometimes it can be as simple as I'm just going to scroll through all my old reports that I did with them, and I'm going to, oh my goodness, I can't believe, do you remember that it was two years ago to the day that they did XYZ? And look at this photo, and look at this and I know that's been very therapeutic for me, as well as our team members that we have one because. Kind of working through them with this of like, just spend some time going through the timeline and go look at some photos that we used to, that we sent about them, and just remember them that way. And that doesn't take five hours, right? That I'm really good at scrolling. I do it all the time on Facebook. Turns out, right. But again, it's to say, hey, where can I go for these memories and kind of finding those, those little moments that we have?
Joni 25:24
You brought up a really good point that you do that for your employees. You can even schedule a once a quarter get together. Everyone goes to a coffee shop and you share memories. Now, sure someone might lose it and start blubbering like a baby, but it's better that they do that than not feel later. And I know it's it's hard, but it's so important to get this out, because part again, when I had said sometimes it's pets are grieved harder than people, because people shut down that part of them. And then when they have that, that big balloon is begging, big, big, big, big, you pop it. And sometimes a pet is that last pinhole that just pop. So it's better to just and then you can also gage where your your employees are. The other thing is, if you have a local network, suggest to whoever in charge, can we do at least once a year, a pet Memorial, nothing crazy, just go read the Rainbow Bridge. It as I had said, you know, just just fake their names up, and that's it. You know that, not that I'm trying to take it lightly, but it's so therapeutic for you and your employees.
Speaker 1 26:46
Yeah, yeah. And oftentimes we think again, like, oh my goodness, this is going to be a big deal. I've got to get speakers, I'm going to have to have tables, I'm going to have to have all this stuff and these things. And I can say for like, this is something that we try and do once a year for just our community and whatever, and it takes all of like, 11 minutes. And that may seem like, Oh, what a waste. Couldn't you do something bigger or better or whatever? But when I say that everyone who shows up, we always say, hey, the right people will be there, whether it's one or whether it's 50. It's not about numbers. It's about this, just giving people some what you walk away with is this just recognition of not being alone. And for many people, it has been, and it will be the very first time that they have been given permission to do this, because they can't do it themselves. They have to. They're looking externally and to be that for somebody, you know, I again at the end of 11 minutes this last time that we just did it again, I was crying. Everybody cries, it's okay, it's okay. You know, a lady came up and said, I just want to thank you because I've been able, I'm able to breathe for the first time in six months. And you think about the things that other people carry around with themselves, including yourself, of when, when did you have that moment to just breathe and allow emotions to come like, that's, that's all we're talking about here, of 11 minutes, 10 minutes like, it's not if that's all it is,
Joni 28:19
you Know, and that's thing. It's if you can also make like reservations to a restaurant after and people can speak and talk with each other. You don't have to do that, like if, but it's a good thing just giving yourself space. And as I always say, the grieving process, it gets easier, emphasis on the ER and not the ease, because one day you wake up and you go, you don't have to think about breathing, you don't have to think about taking a shower. These are the things that you start doing, and it's a slow process.
Speaker 1 28:54
Well, when things come up again, things are going to come out, out of nowhere that are going to trigger something for clients, pets, like you're going to be driving and you're going to look and it's going to be the stop sign where, you know, where Baxter would always stop and sniff and get caught up on the morning news, and you're just going to it's going to hit one day, I know for us, we had an unexpected moment. Just pets International announced that they're going to Albuquerque next year. Super exciting. My wife and I got really sad, because that was the first place we traveled with our dog the year that we got him, we would stay to bed and breakfast, and all of a sudden was like, I wasn't expecting to be crying over an announcement of a city for a conference, but I am, I am now, and being, being, recognizing, just saying now there are going to be moments in The coming years that this is going to happen. And you talked about that setting, the kind of doing something on a year, you know, yearly, annually, building in these rituals of remembrance. And so, why? Why is that so powerful?
Joni 29:56
It's powerful because, if you 911, i. It every year. We never forget. We always bring it up. Pearl Harbor, it's set on a year. So I think our minds are geared towards a year, but we can do it more. And if this is something, you start do it more. Do it twice a year. Do it once a quarter. I don't suggest doing it every week, because then it will lose its I know this sounds horrible, but lose its newness, its freshness. It's, it's, it's special thing. So if you do it like once a quarter, once a year, see how the first one goes, see how the second one goes. Because sometimes people will say, I really wish I could, but I can't, like, you know, falls really bad for me. Can we do something in spring and just pick spring and fall? Because we know summer and winter is just the worst. Yeah. I mean, unless you live in a, you know, place where there's no snow, you don't want to touch the winter. But the nice thing about like the fall is there are leaves falling. You can have people write things, whatever, but it's memorializing. Once a year makes it special. Twice a year makes it special. So whatever you feel would be a special thing, keep it at that well.
Speaker 1 31:26
And you start off by saying, we always bring it up. And I think one of the fears, or one of the things that can happen is, because we get busy, it starts to get buried, and then, because it's buried, it's a was it even real, right? What was the whole point? Like? I kind of forgot about it, and then again, that guilt can circle back around and oh my gosh, it what has been two years since, you know, you know, whoever died, and now, now we've got on that cycle. And so just going though it's right here, there's time marked out for me to remember and to celebrate them. But we always, I love that we always bring it up, because why do we do that? Because it was important, because they mattered to us. They matter to other people. So it's, it's worth doing that, right? They were worthy of of that time. And I think that that's really one of the powerful reasons of why going, we're going to do this on a rhythm, and we're always going to be talking about them because they were important. They were wonderful, absolutely.
Joni 32:27
And it's also funny for pet professionals, we we think about it that our friends, our family, well, they weren't your dog, they weren't your cat. Yeah, they were that dog peed on me. That was just as much my pockets
32:43
get over it, right? He
32:46
marked me. I was his.
Speaker 1 32:51
Yeah? Well, especially whenever you start like, Hey, I always do echoes walk on Thursday mornings, I've got time carved out in my schedule that becomes really special. That's a sacred time that you get to spend with them, that their owners don't, and then to go, no, they really meant something, because that was hours and hours and hours and sometimes days that you get to spend with them over the course of your time with them, and just recognizing that, that that is important there. And, you know, we run businesses. We a lot of us, you know, we build up a lot of clients. Sometimes, there are those years where we just have, we get hit with pet death after pet death, after loss after loss. How do we walk through those seasons?
Joni 33:34
Those seasons are so hard. I went through a season like that not too long ago, and I had to pick myself up and do what I had to do, but then I would go home and crash, you know, sometimes it was I just needed to zone out and watch something stupid on TV. Sometimes I needed to read. Sometimes I needed to sit and remember, sometimes I have a scroll through my pictures and go, Oh my gosh. I can't believe he did the you know, and yes, you have to. The other thing is, you have to find what's going to help you. Because from like, you scroll through pictures, and that's great. That's a good thing to do. I sometimes I try that. Sometimes I don't. And then sometimes I have a client that I'm really good friends with. Sometimes we talk about her dog, her first dog, and I'm and we get to chat about it, and that that's therapeutic for me, because we go, we both. She understood the the relationship that we had completely understood. And then sometimes it helps to talk to clients, if you're still, even if it's a business relationship, walk in, if you see them, and go, How are you doing? That might open up. Conversation for you to just chat, and it's going to be just as good for you as it is for them.
Collin Funkhouser 35:05
Yeah, well, and you're right having those moments to acknowledge. And I think again, that's important, of like, having that outlet, of that outlet of, maybe it's something as simple as they've been passed away two months ago, and this is your first visit, and you're saying, Hey, I'm over here. Visit went fantastic, man. I was really missing echo at this one, but I made sure to give Baxter a little bit of extra love and attention during my time today. And I look forward to the rest of these. Like, just sometimes, okay, just just stating it's like, stating the obvious. Like, we, we too often want to say, well, I don't want to bring it up, because what if and what if and what if, and I don't want to, I want to, but like no, everybody knows the dog's no longer here. The cat's no longer it's it's blatantly obvious. It's okay when we express our emotions and feelings about that, because that's a natural response.
Joni 35:54
I also find that. So this might not be politically correct, but America is not really good with emotions. Other countries excel in emotions. Some like, some countries are really good and they they let their emotions out. And I think for us, we always want to be stoic. We always want to be Oh. We can't talk about, I don't want to upset anybody, because we don't if I said, If I said to someone like, Oh, if I brought up to you Albuquerque, and you started crying, a lot of people like, oh my gosh, what do I do? I just shut up and wakes me to you know, you have that moment where you can, in a sense, compose yourself. But it's okay if someone bossed up, like, if a client is standing before you to give you extra directions, and then they start crying. Start crying about their dog. Let them cry. Hand them a tissue. Emotions are not a bad thing. They just are emotions. And I think we're so afraid of them that it's it's time for us to go now. It's okay. You You just wait. I heard this fantastic story where this person had lost her son, and her friend showed up and said, I have tissues. I can sit there and you can just cry, or I have coffee. We can sit and talk your choice. And it was just a simple way of saying, if you need to cry, I'm here and and you need to find someone for yourself as a pet, professional, like, get your network. I have a friend now that if I called up, I and I just cried on the phone, she would just wait, and when I'm done, she'd be like, are you okay? Now, because I would do the same exact thing for her. What do you need? What? Because she would call me up and talk about random things, and I'm like, Oh, she's missing her dog. She's missing her dog, and let's talk about this. And she needed it to get through the day. When she went home, she would cry, but she needed that moment to just and it's like, so how's disney world today? I live in Massachusetts. We're sweet, but that's all it would take. And then she would say, Okay, thank you. That's all I needed. Hi.
Speaker 4 38:11
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Collin Funkhouser 38:44
How do we go about finding that community? Because A, I know that this is an awkward thing to walk through and talk to people about. And B, we we tend to live very isolated lives. Yes, and so where do you recommend professionals go and talk with other people and find that space or, you know, and What's that process like?
Joni 39:06
You can start online. You could, if you're a member of psi, join the private chat group. If you're a member of Nat, join that private chat group. Eventually, you're going to get to know people like go to their conferences, meet people in the flesh and build those bonds. Then, if you have in your local area, by the way, other pet professionals, they are not your competition. They are your colleagues. And I say that because this is a perfect example. Go to that networking group. If no one's running it, run it yourself. You just say, hey, let's get together. Find other pet professionals. Talk to some of them. Physically spread the world word. We are going to meet at this place, at this time. Build those who. Relationships before you need them. And sometimes it's not easy, because, you know, you might get into the business right away and go, Oh, well, everything's fine. Build them, get get national networking, and then get your local networking. And even you might do a statement, just get somebody to just build the relationships sometimes, with the local network, by going to groups, by going to the lunches, you'll do yourself a world of good.
Collin Funkhouser 40:32
And I think it's really important to get that phone number for that person, that those two people right, because when you need to talk right, that's when you need to talk, right? You've got to have that connection. Because I think oftentimes, especially in this day and age, it's like, well, I'll just catch on social media. I'll just catch up. What's your Facebook that'll be enough. That's my connection. Boom. I have my connection on Facebook. It's like, no, no, you you need to have that other next level that you can go to somebody with somebody when you need those moments, and getting it beforehand. It may sound a little
Speaker 1 41:05
crass to say, hey, in a year and a half, there might be a client who who passes away, and you need to cry on the phone with somebody. I don't want to think about that. I just started my business. I What? No, when we talk about building, not just like resilient businesses, sure, you need to talk about marketing and branding and SOPs and structures and policies and stuff, but my goodness, what about taking care of yourself and what, as you mentioned earlier, Joni, like, what is in that care routine that is going to help support you through both the good and the bad times. And do we have is that robust? Is you can have all the SOPs written out in the world. You can have all the best tax accountants and CPAs, and you can have the Team Admin. You can have all that stuff and not have the personal side taken care of and still struggle, because you will
Joni 42:03
absolutely it. It's kind of like when cold and flu season happens, you're either ready for it or you're just going to fall apart. Have you been getting here, like, a minimum of seven hours sleep? Forget eight. You know, have you? Have you gotten your six to eight hours sleep? Have you actually eat eaten a hot meal this month at all? Are you getting the water you need? Now, I found out that being hydrated, as long as not sugary, it's good to go. Your first cup of coffee is hydration first cup, and anything after that that's, you know, it's building up those things. And again, the care should have, like daily care and then weekly, and then monthly.
Speaker 1 42:59
What somebody's listening to this today. What's something that you would encourage them to do,
Collin Funkhouser 43:07
to better take care of themselves emotionally? They say they've got nothing that they're worth doing right now. There's there's, they have no self care routine. They've got nothing in place. What would something, something you recommend as a first step to
Joni 43:21
them, every one of us, most likely had a previous life. And during our previous life, we did fun things. Our life wasn't wrapped around business. It was like, Oh, I did this fun thing. I did hiking, I did biking, I did pottery, I did all these things don't stop like I had time. I took a watercolor class. I don't even paint. I'm not even artistic, but I took it because it was fun. Someone else might do this beautiful painting. Set up a space in your living area, set up your painting. Do whatever. If you want to do pottery, go someplace. You don't make a mess in the house, but, you know, do something. Don't give up your hobbies. Read that book, even if you read one page a night. And I understand certain times of the year, it's going to be easier. But do it set up in your health, like your mental health, your physical health, and don't and that's a huge thing. Do not think that your physical health has no play in mental health, you can handle things so much better when you've had enough sleep and proper food and hydrated. So that's huge. Have a hobby. And if you never had a hobby, find a hobby. Do something. You know, even if you go here, listen to jazz one night a week every other week, do it? Find something. And even if you spend, like, a whole year trying to figure it out, just do it. It's okay. And that. Will take you out of everything for an hour, and that's my thing. Like I escape with whatever. Like when I went to the painting class, I didn't think about business. Even though I went with my friend, who's my client, didn't think about business. It was fun, it was it was great. And that's what you need to do is something that's outside of business, going to a score webinar or get together night. That's not, that's, that's not a good hobby. That's a hobby, but not for your mental health.
Speaker 1 45:36
Yeah. Well, you know, that's because there are unhealthy things that people can start to slide into. I mean, what are some signs? Let's say we're in a group and and we have friends around us. We have people around us. What are signs? Or maybe somebody's listening to this they want to know, like, am I? Am I on a good trajectory right now? What are signs where somebody may be suppressing grief or turning to those unhealthy mechanisms?
Joni 46:01
One of the major things is, if that is your MO then you are because that's what how you handle things. I'm going to suppress this. It's understandable, but one day it's just not going to work. And when you're around pet care professionals, they get it. They totally get it. You don't have to suppress, Oh, I lost this dog and and it hurt. Yeah, they're going to be an oh, gosh, I know, right. I showed up the other day and this guy, they get it, allow yourself to feel. Another thing is, if you're on edge all the time, there's a good chance you're suppressing something. Like, I always know when I'm not dealing with something, I'm awful behind the wheel of a car. I mean, I'm in Boston anyway, so I'm awful behind the wheel of a car. But this is, like, this is so much worse. I'm like, You're a mental midget. Get out of my way. Why are we driving so slow? It's 40. Is the speed limit. You should be driving faster. You know, if you're feeling angry all the time and frustrated in in these are things that you need to step back and get with your trusted friend and say, Hey, I'm I'm feeling a certain way. And hopefully your friend will say, what's going on? Let's just, let's go for coffee. Let's talk. Yeah, and then, you know, and even if you have to go outside in your backyard and scream, do it. If that's the only relief you're going to get, do it. But if you constantly feel like screaming, that's another sign that you might not be in another thing. If you are using recreational drugs and alcohol more than normal, don't like if you, if you're feeling it, you may need to step back and say, I need to put the wine away for a little while until I'm back on track. I need to put whatever away for a little while until I'm back on track. If you put, if it takes you three months, it's better to take three months without alcohol, then going down that road
Collin Funkhouser 48:08
where resources wise. Joanie, what are some resources that you recommend for people to either have access to have on their phone or to be able to give out to people who they see struggling in these moments?
Joni 48:21
I don't have many resources for the phone. There is one resource I would like to give, and it's a little extreme, but it may be helpful for you. It may be helpful for your clients. Is the national suicide prevention hotline, and this is for the United States. It's 800-273-8255
Joni 48:47
or you can dial 988, that is one resource that, if you're not sure where you're at and your head is really in a weird spot, call them. If that's not the right call, they'll give you another resource. I also know that some states have mental health you know, like for Massachusetts, if I dial this number, I can either get someone or there's going to be someone there. Another resource is even churches. Sometimes, you know, that's like a pastor's job, and if the pastor isn't doing it, they may have someone on staff, and it doesn't matter, synagogue, mosque, church, there's a resource.
Collin Funkhouser 49:33
And I know like you said, like, this isn't, this isn't a fun topic to talk about, and we've gone on this trajectory of, okay, a client's pet has passed away, and now we're talking about a suicide prevention and mental health hotline, like, how did we get there? And I think it's just really important to notice that it's not the one time that things happen. It's the second and third and fourth, fifth. And I'm running a business, and I've got my. My personal life that I'm trying to keep together, and it's all the things that kind of come together along with this that when we lack support, when we lack healthy outlets, when we start to struggle alone, that's why this is so important. That's why it's so important. And there's no shame in calling that number, because I think again, it's important to note that you listening to this matter, you are important, and you're you're worth dialing three numbers on a phone, and that's, that's why this is so important, is that you like grief starts in one place, and it can go all over if it's not monitored and kept along, you know, in these healthy trajectories. And so I'm really, really glad that you brought up that those resources, Joni, because it's not just for us, like you said, it's also for our clients too, because we're going to see them struggling. We're going to see them going through these stuff as well.
Joni 50:53
And I know for us that if we see our clients struggle and we don't do anything we don't want to live with that you can, you can give them the information. They can do with it what they will. But for us, you're right. There's so much pressure on us. There's we are thinking, Oh, become a pet sitter. They said, it would be fun, they said, and it's not. Some days are the best days in the world, and then other days, you have a dog eating mushrooms. You have another dog pulling you down the street same day. You know, you have another dog that will not move because it's too hot. You know, all these things and those days, that's the not the day you need to hear Hey, your favorite client, your favorite furry friend, has passed, and it was a complete shock. That's hard, and we do need to give ourselves permission. And the thing is, reaching out for help is one of the bravest things you can do. It it takes, it takes a lot of bravery to actually reach out.
Collin Funkhouser 52:03
And I think that knowing that there are resources, there are people, their connections, is a great hope to have. And like you said, Joni, bringing those in and close to you as soon as possible, and getting having them before you need it for yourself, for others, is just a wonderful gift that you can give to your future self. As we look to go, I want to make sure I'm rock steady and I'm I'm taken care of, and people around me are let me have these things so that I'm ready to go. And it's a beautiful thing to have, and it's, it's a wonderful thing that a part of what we get to do as part of our job, as we take care of ourselves and others. Joni, I know this is a very deep and it's a very big topic, and I know we just kind of covered the surface on a lot of this stuff. For those who want to get connected with you, you know, have questions or follow along with stuff that you're doing, how best can they do that?
Joni 52:52
You can reach me at info, at Joan of Arc, pet sitting in the ark is built a r k, as in Noah's Ark. So yeah, that would be a really good way to reach out. And then my phone number will be on the bottom of that. You can, you know, certainly call and we can connect. I really just, I just want to be there for you. If anybody needs anything, please don't hesitate.
Collin Funkhouser 53:16
And what days did you say that you were doing, the, the calls, with, with, with naps. What were those days?
Joni 53:23
The naps one is the fourth Wednesday of every month. Is just open to anybody. You don't have to be you can be a pet parent, you can be a pet professional, and you don't have to be a member of naps. We just open that up. And then the second Wednesday of the month, but it's gonna be once a quarter is going to be for pet professionals.
Collin Funkhouser 53:43
Well, I will have links to those in the show notes as well as the hotlines. And for our international listeners, I'm going to have some more numbers in the show notes as well for you to have on hand for you or other people in your life. Joni, I can't thank you enough for coming on and talking to us about this topic. It really means so much, and so I'm very appreciative of you today. Thank you for coming
54:04
on. Thank you so much for having me.
Collin 54:06
Reaching out for help is one of the bravest things that you can do. I am so appreciative of joanie's reminder of that fact, because in pet care, we're taught to stay strong for others, but that strength can sometimes silence our own needs. When we lose a client's pet or even one of our own, it's easy to bury the pain under those busy schedules and all of those appointments, but true bravery isn't pretending we're okay. It's letting someone else hold space for us, whether that's a trusted friend, a fellow pet sitter or a support line, reaching out means that you are choosing healing over isolation. You're not alone in this work, and you never have to be. Don't forget that this. Episode is eligible for one CEU, check out the link in the show notes to learn more. We want to thank today's sponsors tying to pet and our friends at pet sitters international for making this show possible. And we really want to thank you so much for listening. We hope you have a wonderful rest of your day, and we'll be back again soon. You
